It is easy to allow the things that I have allowed people to do to me in the past to make me hateful and resentful. But I must rise above this. I should not, and cannot give them that much control over me. They are assigned to a horrid memory and that is where I should leave them.

It is foolish for me to carry them around with me day after day. I cannot undo my mistakes. Wishing that I had done it differently is a grand waste of time and energy. They are out of sight but not out of mind. I cast my bitterness upon others who have caused me no harm and just want to go about their lives caring less about me.

When I catch, myself falling into this downward spiral of thinking I try to redirect my thoughts onto things that are uplifting and positive. I remind myself that I voluntarily played the fool for them, and that being the case, I should not resent them. Whatever happened to me I did it to myself. They did not force me into behaving unwisely as I took that venture upon myself.

Accepting my responsibility is sound but it does not ease the shame of myself that I feel for being so ridiculous. I get angry when the thought of them pops into my mind, but not so much angry with them as I am with myself.

Life is much too short and much too fragile to be living it in an agitated state. The clear majority of people are not my enemies. The clear majority of people can care none to less about me. In a world of people that are becoming increasingly more afraid of their own shadows, I should be a source of refreshment when met not an amalgamation of the whole. Maturity comes by learning from your living experiences but I now live as if I have learned nothing from the dastardly predicament’s that I unwittingly placed myself in during the past.

I make myself physically ill by holding onto things that should be let go of. I position myself as being unapproachable and my days and nights are alone and friendless because I allow resentments to influence me. I hate being around people and I don’t want to be alone.

I want a sweet darling girl to kiss and hug, to laugh and talk with, to move and shake with, to make the day a blessing for her, myself, and for others. But bitterness concerning my past antics keeps me from reaching out and touching. I feel disgraced and stupid, totally unworthy of a companion. I feel like viciously beating myself with myself until not an atom of me stays intact.

I must get over this. Life does not stand still for anyone. In a moment, the worms and the flies will know my inward parts and any evidence of me will eventually all pass away. I multiply my past foolishness by giving the past dominion of the present. I give the destroyers the thumbs-up to continue haunting me by hanging on to them. I waste fleeting time on something that I cannot change. I know what I must do but to do it successfully on a twenty-four seven eludes me. I hate being this way and I want to change but the memory of my idiocy is like a virus flowing through my veins.

Powers that cleanse and renew, come to me and rinse my mind of the thoughts that impede and restrain me from living my life. Help me to mature and grow, to let go and move forward. Strengthen me in my body, mind, and spirit so that I may reach out and touch and diffuse kindness and caring in my surroundings. This I ask, and this it shall be.

There are certain things that have been said and done in the past that cannot be made up for. I may spend time with the elderly and ailing children. I may volunteer to help the needy and the homeless. I may deprive myself of certain indulgences and luxuries. I may do all of this and more in an attempt to make amends for something that I have said and done in the past. But the past is written and there is no changing it.

Yes, do all of the above mentioned as it is good to be considerate and helpful to others, but do not expect these labors to be an eraser for past deeds. I have said it, or I have done it, or both, and that is the way it is forever. Each day of physical life is its own unique chalkboard that we write for ourselves. We make entries as the day progresses and at the end of the day our log is finished and complete. We can review our log to see what we can gain from it and apply that insight to the next day, but we cannot remove anything from it.

No one is perfect and mistakes will be made. However, there are some things that are said and done that can easily be avoided if my thinking is mature and not restricted to “Me”, “I”, “Mine”, “Myself”, and the like. It is natural to take first thing first, which is me, this is how we not only survive but also excel.

However, we must look at ourselves through the broader canvas of existence that has the panorama of other people, the ecosystem of the Earth, and all of Earth’s many other life forms to be fully mature in our thinking. I said it, or I did it, or both. It’s in the record book of life and cannot be blotted out by remorse nor misplaced good intentions.

I wish that I had not said that. And I wish that I had not done this. So, I will drop the change that I receive at the checkout counter into that donation cup atop it as I leave. This is good as our donations are much needed, but do not consider the misdeeds of the past to be purified by this generous, worthwhile act.

I have touched someone’s life in a negative way either accidentally or purposefully. I have said it, or I have done it, or both. Someone is wearing a physical and emotional scar that I have purposely inflicted upon them. This is my guilt and shame that refuses to leave my thoughts because it is clinched firmly within the solidity of the unchangeable past.

Good deeds will not clean the slate of my past childish behaviors because the past is inalterable. My loss of self-control is a personality deficit that I must learn to live with in a way that does not interfere with my daily life. Hopefully, we have reviewed our chalkboard and have highlighted words and actions that we want to avoid repeating. I conduct this self-evaluation often, and guess what, I do and say the very same things over again.

 This vacillating behavior is much more than simply not learning from the past it is a nest of damaged brain cells that desperately needs healing. The heart(mind) is active and willing to make amends for past offenses but the past is uncompromising. The chalkboard of our living is engraved in permanent stone. We have allowed our wrongdoing to mark us with a seal of regrets and ineffective penance. Our afterglow is unbecoming and our nature is pinned against a wobbly cartwheel.

There is no making up for It. Our days are numbered and the count is swiftly running out. We would like to start this reality called physical life all over again with the knowledge and understanding that we have gained from this venture. We would like not to say and not to do the things that we have done in the past during this new birth. But it is likely that we will say and do the same things all over again if given a blank sheet.

We have been measured out and calculated beyond the molecular level. Our very essence has been formulated and numbered to a precision point that gives no fault-tolerance in the equation of what makes us, us. There is no making up for it. We have said it, or we have done it, or both, and that is that. The Monkey is on our back and the banana is in our mouth, so we must learn to live peaceably with them.

I became hooked on crack cocaine at the beginning of 1987. From the start of my addiction, I knew that the consequences of my habit would be the total subjugation of my life to it, the wreckage of all my hopes and dreams, the demolition of my computer hardware career, and everything else conducive to a wholesome and fruitful life.

I allowed the weakness of my mind to transform me into a slave in bondage to my own desires. I knew that if there was any hope of me getting my act back together that it must start with the complete abstinence from my drug of choice.

Now, I felt that I was looking at myself from a remote place that I once inhabited. Everything was surreal and lacking any sense of genuineness as I muddled along in the grip of my drug craving. I cried and I prayed for the strength to get out of the ghastly predicament that I had foolishly placed myself within. I was ashamed of myself and kept as far away from my family as possible because I did not want them to see what I had done to myself.

At this early stage in my addiction, there was a faint ray of hope that I would be able to strap my groans and get it back together because I had the desire to do so. During the following year of 1987, this tiny ray of hope was given a death blow when I was told that I was HIV positive. I was informed of this diagnosis at a blood bank that I frequented to get funds to support my habit when I was unable to find work on that day.

Needless to say, this news was like being shot in the head with a cannon. At this time, in the middle eighties, the common consensus was that a person who had HIV had from six months to a year at most to live. I believed what I was hearing about my illness and based on that information I utterly gave up on life.

What was the point in being drug-free when I only had six months to a year at most to live? I isolated myself even when people were all around me. The only thing that I had to look forward to was becoming very sick and dying miserably.

For nine and a half years I waited for the moment of my demise while living in the wasteland of a drug controlled life. With every cold, I prepared myself for the coffin as this was the knowledge of the consequence of my scourge that I had. I placed my confidence in the wisdom of mortals and wallowed in my death garment as I went about making money to support my drug habit.

Now my cries and my prayers were two-fold, that I gain my freedom from drug addiction and that this wicked plague is taken away from me. Nine and a half years of an already brief moment to experience physical life was shattered by the use of drugs because I placed my confidence upon the carbon-based, and did not cement my cries and prayers with celestial faith.

For nine and a half years I lived as a vagabond, as a vagrant in my disease infected body, as a drifter in my loathsome mind, and as a wandering lifeless spirit because of my lack of knowledge.

This is not an epitaphic discourse concerning physical existence in spiritual death, because it is most laughable as a fool and his or her aspirations are quickly disjointed when they place all their assurances on maggot food such as they are, and not look towards the true knowledge base that surpasses the breath and make void the shovel.

For nine and a half years, the count is finished and the hours are a complete waste because a little knowledge is a grand destroyer, and if the knowledge that one does have is not seasoned with wisdom, time becomes a looter, but only if one surrenders and does not stand up and fight against the odds and the general consensus.

I am not a Bible thumper, however, there is a certain verse in the Bible that I have been considering lately; and it reads, “Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s” (Psalms:102:5). What is this verse saying that I should take to heart?

The “Who” in this verse, is, of course, God. The word “mouth” in this verse can be inferred as being a reference to the mind, the way that we rationalize and reason, and our thoughts. “good things,” “youth,” and, “renewed,” should be self-explanatory. The word “eagle’s,” in this verse can probably be inferred as being a reference to flight (a free spirit, soaring, unencumbered).

Now that I have a few basic definitions of certain words in this verse to work with, what can I deduce from this Bible verse that I can put to best practices? My thinking influences my temperament and disposition at any given moment. What comes out of my mouth is a product of my thinking. My thinking also has an influence on the way that I physically feel (my health).

So what does all this mean and how can I use this to combat the appearance of aging that so disquiets me when I see my reflection looking old and ugly back at me in the mirror? Mirror, mirror on the wall, gosh darn it.

This could mean that I have the cognitive ability to manage my aging processes. Not that I can think myself back to youth or stall the aging processes. There comes a point in everyone’s life, if they live long enough, that becoming old and ugly is a given, there is nothing that can be done about this except somehow learning to comfortably live with it. Many factors interact with each other to produce physical aging.

Many of these factors are beyond our ability to control, such as the radiation of the Sun (even when we attempt to hide ourselves behind sealed shelters), micro-organisms that live and breed on and within our dirt bodies, our Solar System and our Galaxy moving into different regions of the Universe, to name a few.

However, if the way that I think of myself when I look in the mirror, how I think of other people, and of my world is unadulterated and wholesome it will produce words of refreshment and renewal from my mouth. Many wrinkles, blotches, dark spots, and sagging skin come from stress and worry. The quantity of stress and worry that is resident within me has a direct bearing on my health as well as on my physical appearance. There are some factors contributing to the processes of my aging that I cannot control, but my thinking is not one of them.

Unconstructive thought habits drain the electrical charges that sustain every cell in my body. As the energies of these cells are reduced deformations began to appear in my physical appearance and the way that I feel. The consequences of this damaging thought habit are many, one being wrinkles appearing before their time that is exaggerated beyond what they would have been under natural aging conditions.

Some people who claim themselves to be in the know attribute sagging skin to gravity. Gravity may be a cause of sagging skin, except for one thing, gravity is just a theory and does not really exist. The loss of collegian and elastin in the skin as we age are two of many factors that result in sagging skin. How positive thinking can combat sagging skin is an experiment in progress. I will give you an update on the progress of this experiment in roughly one hundred and ten years, stay tuned.

“Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s” (Psalms: 102:5). “Mouth”, a tool used for broadcasting my thoughts among other things. “Good things”, wholesome and uplifting things and personality traits given and received. “Youth is renewed”, reducing wrinkles, blotches, dark spots, and sagging skin and invigorating my mind by thinking positively. “like the eagle’s”, becoming unencumbered by stress and worry as much as possible, taking a lighthearted view of myself, thinking graciously and kindly of others, accepting the inevitable whether I like it or not, soaring in free-flight even in the face of metamorphosing into a walking fossil.

Practicing this Bible verse as a daily way of living my life may have the benefit of being an inexpensive supplement to any anti-aging regimen that I may undertake. My thinking both uplifts and deflates me and can turn one day into a number of months of physical aging if the structure of my thoughts is negative, or I am constantly in the company of negative acting and thinking people. Using this Bible verse to hide and improve the effects of aging may or may not work for me, but when I look at myself in the mirror, what the hell, why not give it a go.

The end of the world is a cyclical process that comes at a definite period, as mortals measure this humanly contrived concept. In the immense, there is no such property as time because the immense is eternal and have no limitations nor restrictions that confine it.

The great has fallen upon the needy and they both have fallen into extreme hardships. One day is as another filled with enmity and malice one person for the other. During the night things that creep and slither target both the guarded and the unguarded and relentlessly bites them.

Those who presume themselves to have vision come up with exact dates as to when calamity will befall the nations, but exacting timing is ripe for the plucking as no one knows when they will be blotted out of existence.

The cyclical process of global cleansing is as sure as the shining Sun, the Moon in its orbit, and our galaxies place within this Universe. Count your fingers and wiggle your toes you who claim to be in the know, as your prophecies are dead as soon as you utter them.

The appointed time of global sanitization is in the NOW and the NOW, is right NOW! Let us peel our depraved heads against a stone wall and hide within caves and holes. All our places of presumed safety will roll back and expose us to the whims of confusion and terror, the delights of which will delight in shedding us into bits.

And if two men are left alive, one will kill the other, gorge his flesh and use his skin for his attire.

And if two women are left alive, one will execute the other, munch away at her flesh and use her skin for her apparel.

The girl child weeps to her mother who has bestowed herself to demons and strange spirits offering her child as a sacrifice to that which she cannot fully understand.

The boy child pleads to his father who has fooled himself into believing that he is the fullness of all that is as he offers his child to emptiness and ignorance.

Do not let our courage fail us when the end is drop-kicking us in the manner that we have allowed our conceited minds to make a cosmic laughingstock of us. We have exaggerated our self-importance and hoodwinked ourselves into believing the unbelievable, that we individually or collectively are the prime root of the Stars.

And if two women see a piece of cloth for wrapping themselves with, one will be murdered, and the moths will eat the cloth away from the other.

And if two men find a crumb of bread, one will not eat, and two will die of starvation.

The end will not come suddenly, as by surprise, but will loom with much trepidation in every mind. Feet will want to run but the earth will not let them move. Those who profess that they do not believe in anything will fall to their knees and fracture them. The cries of the anguished will become so loud that every sound will become muted by its volume.

And if two women are left alive they will both drop dead in no uncertain length of time.

And if two men are left alive the worms will feast upon them at the same time.

This prophecy is certain and it is complete. The moment of its coming is right NOW, but not as mortals reckon time, but the interval of NOW that the cosmos has given it. Strap up your boots and toss them away for there is no escape for any of us that dwell within the Heavens and the Earth as our appointed time to vanish from the cosmic records is NOW!

This precise and correct divination may seem gloomy and foreboding, but it is not because there may be a particle beam of good news embedded within it, and the good news is, the cosmos will be a purer place to inhabit with the absence of mortals that now defile the planet Earth.

Let the NOW come right NOW as is its expectation.

Developed in a lab. Let loose on the general public by blunder during its research and development processes. Silent and hideous in its relentless assaults. Its cure being one of its main requirements during research and development. The cure not being released because it now makes billions of dollars a year for certain interest groups. HIV and AIDS is a genetics weapon devised and developed in the United States of America that escaped from the lab before it was officially cleared for deployment.

HIV and AIDS were designed for deployment against specific groups of people as part of a global plan to reduce the world’s human population by killing off those human elements that have been deemed undesirable by the ruling class. HIV and AIDS do not get in the news as it used to because it has now been classified as being only one of the many human diseases that has been brought under control by medication.

Laboratories in all of the Western nations, especially in the United States of America, are hard at work contriving and then placing into research and development the next generations of genetics weaponry to be deployed upon the public. As with HIV and AIDS, some of these genetic weapons will inadvertently escape from the labs before they are officially released for distribution upon the designated groups of people that have been appointed for devastation and annihilation.

Also, as with many research and development projects, during calculated points throughout the project’s development, the latest stage, or version, of the genetic weapon will intentionally be released into the targeted populous in order to gauge its kill power and its sickness and infection properties as a means to improve its effectiveness before its final release as an agent of mass human destruction on those specifically targeted groups of people with acceptable occurrences of collateral damage to non-targeted groups.

The research and development teams of these genetics weapons fully realized that when they released certain strains of their experimental weapons upon the public, regardless of how targeted that public is, there will be a certain amount of collateral damage inflicted upon non-targeted groups of people. This fallout can be tolerated as long as it can be kept at the lower social and economic levels of the non-targeted populous.

What these developers are doing is not some type of grand conspiracy orchestrated by some vague group of people reclining on velvet seat cushions. This assault on humans is orchestrated by the planet Earth itself as a module of its cyclic mass extinction events.

Some elements of humans have misinterpreted the house cleaning messages of the Earth and have even distorted these messages into being an all-exclusive event targeting only certain groups and types of people on the planet for complete eradication from the human species.

People are dying and suffering because some lab in the United States of America became lax in its safeguards and allowed certain strains of the HIV and AIDS virus to escape into the general public. Once these HIV and AIDS strains were no longer under controlled conditions they began to mutate when they came into contact with many different body types and human habits and temperaments.

The cure, or counter agent, that was developed in the lab as a requirement of this genetics weapon research and development processes was quickly tweaked by the teams that developed it within months after new data began pouring in from different healthcare organizations and services. The consensus by these research teams was to see how far the HIV and AIDS virus will go at this stage of its development and not release the counter agent.

When bundles of money began pouring in to find a cure for HIV and AIDS, and for its medications and treatments, the counter agent for the HIV and AIDS virus that had been developed in the labs were swiftly placed on a shelf because temporal wealth has a much higher value attached to it than mere human life and suffering.

Developed in a lab. Let loose on the general public by blunder during its research and development processes. Silent and hideous in its relentless assaults. HIV and AIDS are now classified as a disease to hide its real purpose as being one of many biological weapons that are being produced by the Western nations to drastically reduce the human population of the planet Earth.

The master race has an agenda that is diligently being carried out by a spirit of pride, fear, and one that hates. The upper crust of Western society believe that they are being guided by the spirit of the Earth that moans for relief from the relentless screeches of a humongous number of humans trampling its soils, sky, and waters, being so full of it as to honestly believe that the planet Earth is a respecter of person and really consider one fleabag as being better than another.

There was, and is, a cure for HIV and AIDS when it was first developed in a lab in the United States of America. The United States of America could have easily blockaded Japan into surrender during World War II, but instead the United States of America preferred to test the effects of its newly developed weapon upon the general Japanese public to gauge its human kill power and its eco-system and biological side-effects.

The planet Earth will turn the so-called intelligence of current humans against them so that it may be free of this variety of humanoid leeches for all time. The planet Earth has performed this head chopping procedure on disagreeable humanoids many times before throughout its long history, and will by no means spare this current species of repugnant humanoids from extinction.

The planet Earth is swept clean of its most recent humanoid birth. The Earth’s eco-system is rejuvenated of the contaminations inflicted upon it by selfish and senseless creatures. All of the other living creatures of the planet Earth now have elbow room to increase and enjoy their lives with the adulterated infestation of humanoids gone.

HIV and AIDS victims had long before taken a back seat, when current humanoid types were still around, to new strains of genetic weapons that were released to test their effectiveness on the amount of governmental turmoil and human misery that they could cause and revenue that they could produce.

The day and the moment of the open mouth are closed. So-called intelligent life on planet Earth has intellectualized itself into oblivion and is completely forgotten as ever being in existence. In a moment the planet Earth will give birth to another humanoid species only to be wiped out as all before it has.

This is not a reflection on the Earth so don’t even attempt to bad mouth this magnificent celestial beauty because all of its humanoid species are born with free will and will do as they will do regardless of where the spirit of the Earth wants to move them.

The developers of HIV and AIDS chimpanzee and laughingstock themselves into believing that they are doing Western society a vital service by killing off the undesirable human elements. They give themselves Nobel prizes in physics, biology, and genetics and hefty pats on the backs for their comedic achievements in understanding the cosmic cryptic. It is all said and it is all done.

HIV and AIDS victims of this focused and deliberate biological terrorism stratagem perpetrated by the would-be guardians of Western values and White womanhood will not have the last laugh, but the planet Earth and all of its many other life forms will have an ecstatic and euphoric time of it when this current species of humanoids get their comeuppance.

Hah, Hah, Hah, a laugh a second as the planet Earth and all of its many other life forms celebrate death, renewal, and new birth when its sends this present age of humanoids to their demise.