Letting Go of What Holds Me

Summary

Letting Go of What Holds Me explores release, healing, and renewal at hiveaid.org—transforming pain into resilience, self-acceptance, and personal growth.

Holding on. It is easy to let past grievances affect me. I have allowed people to hurt me before. I must not let these experiences make me hateful and resentful. But I must rise above this. I should not and can’t give them that much control over me. They are assigned to a horrid memory and that is where I should leave them.

It is foolish for me to carry them around with me day after day. I can’t undo my mistakes. Wishing that I had done it differently is a grand waste of time and energy. They are out of sight but not out of mind. I unfairly blame others for my bitterness. They have not harmed me and just want to live their lives without concern for me.

When I catch myself falling into this downward spiral of thinking, I try to redirect my thoughts. I focus on things that are uplifting and positive. I remind myself that I voluntarily played the fool for them. Since that was the case, I should not resent them. Whatever happened to me I did it to myself. They did not force me into behaving unwisely as I took that venture upon myself.

Accepting my responsibility is sound. Still, it does not ease the shame I feel for being so ridiculous. I get angry when the thought of them pops into my mind. I am not so much angry with them as I am with myself.

Life is much too short and much too fragile to be living it in an agitated state. The clear majority of people are not my enemies. The clear majority of people can care none to less about me. In a world where people are increasingly afraid of their own shadows, I should offer a refreshing perspective when encountered. I strive not to be an amalgamation of the entire crowd.

Maturity comes by learning from your living experiences. But, I now live as if I have learned nothing from the predicaments. I unwittingly placed myself in these situations during the past.

I make myself physically ill by holding onto things that should be let go of. I position myself as being unapproachable. My days and nights are alone and friendless. I allow resentments to influence me. I hate being around people and I don’t want to be alone.

I want a sweet darling girl to kiss and hug. I want to laugh and talk with her. I want to move and shake with her. Together, we ca make the day a blessing for her, me, and for others. But bitterness about my past antics keeps me from reaching out and touching. I feel disgraced and stupid, totally unworthy of a companion. I feel like viciously beating myself with myself until not an atom of me stays intact.

I must get over this. Life does not stand still for anyone. In a moment, the worms and the flies will know my inward parts. Any evidence of me will eventually all pass away. I multiply my past foolishness by giving that past domain in the current. I give the destroyers the thumbs-up to continue haunting me by hanging on to them.

I waste fleeting time on something that I can’t change. I know what I must do but to do it successfully on a twenty-four seven eludes me. I hate being this way. I want to change. Still, the memory of my idiocy is like a virus flowing through my veins.

Powers that cleanse and renew, come to me. Rinse my mind of the thoughts that impede me. These thoughts restrain me from living my life. Help me to mature and grow, to let go and move ahead. Strengthen me in my body, mind, and spirit. Allow me to reach out and touch others. Let me diffuse kindness and caring in my surroundings. This I ask, and this it shall be.