There is No Making Up for It

Summary

There Is No Making Up for It reflects on regret, healing, and growth at hiveaid.org—accepting the unchangeable past while embracing wisdom and renewal.

There is no making up for It. There are certain things that have been said and done in the past that can’t be made up for. I spend time with the elderly and ailing children. I volunteer to help the needy and the homeless. I deprive myself of certain indulgences and luxuries. I do all of this and more. I try to make amends for something that I have said and done in the past. But the past is written and there is no changing it.

Yes, do all of the above mentioned. It is good to be considerate and helpful to others. Still, do not expect these labors to be an eraser for past deeds. I have said it, or I have done it, or both, and that is the way it is forever. Each day of physical life is its own unique chalkboard that we write for ourselves.

We make entries as the day progresses and at the end of the day our log is finished and done. We can review our log to see what we can gain from it. We can apply that insight to the next day. We can’t remove anything from it.

No one is perfect and mistakes will be made. Yet, some avoidable things are said and done. This happens if my thinking is mature and not restricted to “Me”, “I”, “Mine”, “Myself”, and the like. It is natural to focus on the most important things first. It is me. This is how we not only survive but also excel.

We must examine ourselves within the broader canvas of existence. This includes the panorama of other people, the ecosystem of the Earth, and all of Earth’s many other life forms. This perspective helps us to be fully mature in our thinking. I said it, or I did it, or both. It’s in the record book of life and can’t be blotted out by remorse nor misplaced good intentions.

I wish that I had not said that. And I wish that I had not done this. I will get change at the checkout counter. I will drop it into the donation cup atop the counter as I leave. This is good. Our donations are much needed. Nevertheless, do not consider the misdeeds of the past to be purified by this generous, worthwhile act.

I have touched someone’s life in a negative way either accidentally or purposefully. I have said it, or I have done it, or both. Someone is wearing a physical and emotional scar that I have purposely inflicted upon them. This is my guilt and shame. It refuses to leave my thoughts. The past’s solidity clinches it firmly, making change impossible.

Good deeds will not clean the slate of my past childish behaviors because the past is unalterable. My loss of self-control is a personality deficit. I must learn to live with it. I must make sure it does not interfere with my daily life. Hopefully, we have reviewed our chalkboard and have highlighted words and actions that we want to avoid repeating. I conduct this self-evaluation often, and guess what, I do and say the very same things over again.

 This vacillating behavior is much more than simply not learning from the past. It is a nest of damaged brain cells that desperately needs healing. The heart(mind) is active and willing to make amends for past offenses but the past is uncompromising. The chalkboard of our living is engraved in permanent stone. We have allowed our wrongdoing to mark us with a seal of regrets and ineffective penance. Our afterglow is unbecoming and our nature is pinned against a wobbly cartwheel.

There is no making up for It. Our days are numbered and the count is swiftly running out. We would like to start physical life anew. We want to use the knowledge and understanding gained from this venture. We hope to avoid saying the things we have said in the past during this new birth. We also aim not to repeat past actions. It is that we will say the same things once more. We will also repeat the same actions if given a blank sheet.

We have been measured out and calculated beyond the molecular level. Our very essence has been formulated and numbered to a precision point. There is no fault-tolerance in the equation of what makes us, us. There is no making up for it. We have said it, or we have done it, or both, and that is that. The Monkey is on our back. The banana is in our mouth. Hence, we must learn to live peaceably with them.