Living While Dying: A Story of Bad Decision Making

Summary

Trapped between hope and despair, one man's life reveals how bad decision making and cognitive dissonance shaped his journey toward self-improvement and regret.

Living While Dying: A Story of Bad Decision Making: There is a person who has consistently made bad life-choices. He made poor financial decisions because he believed he did not have long to live.

He does not remember when. At some point, he got the idea that he was not going to live long. Yet, even with this idea in mind he kept striving to better his life. Attending college and obtaining a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Information Systems and a Diploma in Computer Science.

Even so, the idea of his impending death was always a lingering thought. He didn’t live in fear of his impending death. Nevertheless, he was caught up in two divergent worlds: the world of continued life and the world of presently dying.

He did not try to rationalize the two divergent thoughts that controlled his life. He lived with them. Having only one experience, that of living, he had no reference point to measure the two. No way of knowing which one is better.

Having two contradictory beliefs at the same time is often called Cognitive dissonance. This can lead to unpleasant emotional results. It can also cause behavioral problems, assuming that there is a difference between emotions and behavior.

Striving for your betterment while feeling that your efforts are wasted is challenging. He felt this way because he believed he did not have much longer to live. It is a push and stop mental gymnastics. This is a form of mental-agility allowing you to move between different ideas without much anxiety.

But the cost is often bad life-choices and financial decisions making. At least, that is what this person can say about himself.

No estimations. No moment’s notice. Only the anticipation that the end of life is near. One foot on the acceleration. One foot on the break. Both pressing down hard. A life ruled by a persistent idea. A manner of living that brings no contentment.

And the cost. Mistakes that can’t be erased. Achievements that somewhat balances the scale. A life lived without feeling real joy. A testimony that is not worth being written. A strength that overpowered a persistent belief.

And so, it is. And it will. And all in between.