Just for This Moment. I will

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Just for this moment, I will not have any regrets about the things that I have said and done in the past.

Just for this moment, I will not put myself nor anyone else down. I will do this just for this moment because life is too fleeting and fragile to be awash with negative feelings and thoughts.

Just for this moment, I will not wonder why this and that has happened to me because I know that ninety-five percent of what has happened to me I brought upon myself. The enemy within me is in my blood and the ropes that snare me is in my thinking.

So, just for this moment, I will not wallow in self-pity as this is a locked cage that wants to further confine me.

Now then, let the smile begin and let it be a sincere smile that conveys the unmerited blessings that I am receiving. I have stumbled my way into a maze primarily of my own making and so it is up to me to find my way out of it.

Just for this moment, I will rejoice even as my heart feels the hollowness of my incompleteness.

Just for this moment I will love and adore her even though I know that I cannot touch her because of the nature of the beast that flows through me.

My youth was gone when I was still in my youth and my old age is wasting away because my tainted blood will not allow me to live in peace with it.

My best friend is the fantasies in which I live but even they do not appease the loneliness that I feel.

Those who are better suited to life than I have fallen beside me like straw falling from a hay loft. A few have been taken out by Aids, while drug addiction and tobacco have undone a few. And there are those who have come to an end by murder. And then there are those who have simply faded away into timeless oblivion. And being the least of them all, for reasons unknown, I still stand.

Just for this moment, I will think kind thoughts of everyone, even those who psychologically turn my stomach, because I am no prize to be won or lost, and I have proven repeatedly that bad choices can turn the cleverest person into a fool.

Not that I am saying that I am clever, only that common sense makes no sense if it is not nurtured and used.

Just for this moment, I will open a door and not stub my toes against it.

Just for this moment, I will take inventory of my life with a clear mind.

Just for this moment I will not brood and feel sorry for myself.

Just for this moment, I will be a spark that lights a warm and pleasant fire for someone.

Just for this moment I will climb out of my hole and connect with other people.

Just for this moment I will soar to the outermost Stars and take my place beside the gods.

Just for this moment, I will do this and not look back because I can.

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Prevention and Containment of the HIV and AIDS virus

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Prevention and containment go hand in hand in living with the HIV and AIDS virus. Of course, prevention does not apply to we who are HIV positive except in our being considerate of others by living in a containment mindset and using the proper measures to thwart our spreading the virus to others.

Using every preventative measure at our disposal is the driving force behind the containment of the HIV and AIDS virus.

Hiv is a sexually transmitted disease, so unprotected sexual intercourse is a big no-no whether you are HIV positive or not. If both parties are known to be virus free, then fidelity becomes a preventative measure if both parties adhere to it.

Homosexuality is still the leading conduit for the spread of the HIV and AIDS virus. In the past HIV and AIDS was known as a gay disease, but no more, as HIV and AIDS have spread beyond the gay and drug addict barriers where they lodged in the early days of this deadly virus.

Living with the HIV and AIDS virus is no different than living with any other chronic illness except that there is a demeaning and deflating stigma attached to HIV and AIDS that are not attached to other illnesses because of the homosexual origins of HIV and AIDS. Many HIV-positive people, including myself, are embarrassed to admit to having the virus for that reason.

Regardless of the stigma that is attached to the HIV and AIDS virus, one must overcome that and honestly inform healthcare professionals and anyone else who may come into contact with their blood that they are HIV or AIDS positive as doing so is practicing both prevention and containment of the virus.

I personally believe that there is, and has been for some time, a cure for HIV and AIDS just as I believe that there are cures for certain types of cancers. And even as HIV and AIDS are still killing and destroying lives daily, it has gone into a silent phase and you seldom hear much about it in the mainstream media nowadays.

This is where organizations such as hiveaid.org and hiveaids.com come into play as voices that break through the silence by the activities of its members. An organization such as these need sincere members in the thousands to be the muscles and the voices that move HIV and AIDS from being a medicated illness into a thing of the past.

At present, the scale is weighed in favor of making money over curing misery. Join hiveaid.org now and tell your friends to join. This is a meeting place for HIV and AIDS positive people. Be proactive and supportive. Make a firm stand for living your life to its fullness. We are the cure if we are willing to stand together and go into battle to win our lives and our peace of mind back.

Let those who claim to be the developers of the HIV and AIDS virus as a mechanism to drastically reduce and control the Earth’s human population be happy with their accomplishments because they have wreaked havoc on the lives of millions, destroyed fragile economies, and made billions of dollars for certain interest groups.

These special interest groups only want to medicate the HIV and AIDS virus instead of releasing the counter-agents that will neutralize the virus. But the aroused voices of millions will force the selfish, the hateful, and the greedy to abandon their destructive agendas and release millions of minds from the captivity and bondage that HIV and AIDS produce.

We who are HIV and AIDS positive can either play the game of life by someone else’s rules or be our own person and live our life in the manner that we personally choose. Let’s make a stand for ourselves!

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Happy Goes Nothing

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Happy Goes Nothing. All hope of a normal life is lost as the harpoons of death course through the veins multiplying and breeding as they devour and mutate. Yet, there are no tears for the weeper who survives within the stillness of tainted blood that lapping dogs shun.

There are some that say that the cure for the HIV and AIDS virus is here, while others say that the cure for HIV and AIDS is just over there, as those who see no sunlight during the day wallow within the darkness that wishful thinking brings.

Self-pity wants to cover the body like a blanket while anger makes the mind resentful and hateful. But whose fault is it that the monkey caught a cold that developed into a lethal disease that its meat bore, so we are told. And whose fault is it that the eating of this monkey meat passed this ruinous virus to human beings?

Or if not a monkey, it was witch doctors in a well-funded laboratory who cooked up this toxic brew as a method of thinning out the human population to the numbers that they choose. Yes, the poisonous brew stewing in the kettle of death brings fortune to a few and heartbreak and misery to many. But what does any of that matter as life is but a shadow of a shadow of an imaginary shadow that disappears without a whisper.

Happy goes nothing when the blood moon turns into a crystal ball that foretells of a tomorrow that came yesterday. The sheep are herded into a pin and given expensive medications that cure nothing and side effects something that researchers can add to their flow charts of sadness and sorrow.

The prophecies of worlds are dripping from the time capsule of continuance as the blood of the Hiv and Aids infected runs cold and exposed to every form of harmful foreign substance. And who is that considering the protruding lymph nodes that are reflected in the mirror loudly broadcasting their fatal deposits of infection and disease? Is it not the casket that deceives itself as being a living being?

Happy were the days of old. The days long before the cradle of death was conceived and born. In those days, the Stars were very bright, and the many Earth-like planets were teeming with blissful light and life. In a moment, there is something and in the same instant there is nothing. From nothing came something, and from something comes nothing. And so, it is.

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Holding on to that which should be let go of

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Holding on. It is easy to allow the things that I have allowed people to do to me in the past to make me hateful and resentful. But I must rise above this. I should not and cannot give them that much control over me. They are assigned to a horrid memory and that is where I should leave them.

It is foolish for me to carry them around with me day after day. I cannot undo my mistakes. Wishing that I had done it differently is a grand waste of time and energy. They are out of sight but not out of mind. I cast my bitterness upon others who have caused me no harm and just want to go about their lives caring less about me.

When I catch, myself falling into this downward spiral of thinking I try to redirect my thoughts onto things that are uplifting and positive. I remind myself that I voluntarily played the fool for them, and that being the case, I should not resent them. Whatever happened to me I did it to myself. They did not force me into behaving unwisely as I took that venture upon myself.

Accepting my responsibility is sound but it does not ease the shame of myself that I feel for being so ridiculous. I get angry when the thought of them pops into my mind, but not so much angry with them as I am with myself.

Life is much too short and much too fragile to be living it in an agitated state. The clear majority of people are not my enemies. The clear majority of people can care none to less about me. In a world of people that are becoming increasingly more afraid of their own shadows, I should be a source of refreshment when met not an amalgamation of the whole. Maturity comes by learning from your living experiences but I now live as if I have learned nothing from the dastardly predicament’s that I unwittingly placed myself in during the past.

I make myself physically ill by holding onto things that should be let go of. I position myself as being unapproachable and my days and nights are alone and friendless because I allow resentments to influence me. I hate being around people and I don’t want to be alone.

I want a sweet darling girl to kiss and hug, to laugh and talk with, to move and shake with, to make the day a blessing for her, myself, and for others. But bitterness concerning my past antics keeps me from reaching out and touching. I feel disgraced and stupid, totally unworthy of a companion. I feel like viciously beating myself with myself until not an atom of me stays intact.

I must get over this. Life does not stand still for anyone. In a moment, the worms and the flies will know my inward parts and any evidence of me will eventually all pass away. I multiply my past foolishness by giving the past dominion of the present. I give the destroyers the thumbs-up to continue haunting me by hanging on to them. I waste fleeting time on something that I cannot change. I know what I must do but to do it successfully on a twenty-four seven eludes me. I hate being this way and I want to change but the memory of my idiocy is like a virus flowing through my veins.

Powers that cleanse and renew, come to me and rinse my mind of the thoughts that impede and restrain me from living my life. Help me to mature and grow, to let go and move forward. Strengthen me in my body, mind, and spirit so that I may reach out and touch and diffuse kindness and caring in my surroundings. This I ask, and this it shall be.

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I Don’t Want to be Alone and Lonely

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I Don’t Want to be Alone and Lonely.

Humans are encoded to be social creatures. It is grafted into our genes to have companionship. Preferring solitude is not the norm and this psychological characteristic usually has some underlying motive(s) behind it.

Touching and being touched in a wholesome manner brings out the best in a person. Feeling connected gives a person a sense of being. That being said, there are circumstances where preferring solitude is a sound alternative in order to maintain one’s emotional stability and even one’s health.

It is not attractive to be alone and lonely however this state is far better than living in the constant state of anxiety that being with the wrong companion brings. Existing with an incompatible companion is insanity that leads to a variety of negative consequences. This living environment brings no satisfaction, joy, nor calm into a person’s life.

It is a place where no one honestly wants to be. But it happens, and when it does, run for your life because that is what is a stake. One day leads to another and each day has an array of heartaches, headaches, anguish, and distresses that must be endured.

There is this one particular idiot that I know intimately who has placed himself into this disagreeable predicament more than once. The bizarre thing about him is that he knew full well on each occasion that he was unwittingly heading into quicksand. Knowing this was an error in judgment, instead of avoiding the quicksand, he willingly walked straight into it.

When he began sinking, instead of pulling himself out of the mire, he did everything possible that caused him to sink deeper and quicker.

I cannot fathom what one would call this type of personality because it goes beyond the scope of reason and common sense. It is like a sickness that wants to get sicker and being in the possession of a mindset that is fatally stupid.

After he finally extricated himself from the latest deplorable situation that he placed himself in he reached the conclusion that his best bet is to be alone.

He hates the consequences of solitude but seeing that he has a relentless propensity for chronically making bad choices and decisions he has consigned himself to separation.

I know this dimwit intimately, and I grieve for him, but I feel no sympathy for him because he is getting exactly what he deserves. A fool and his foolishness will reap his foolish rewards, and no one need trouble themselves over him because he is not worthy of the energy that it will take to do this.

Reeling within the turbulent grip of stormy nights and tossed by tempestuous days, it is far better to be alone than to exist in turmoil, confusion, mistrust, and chaos. Misery can find it’s very own company and insanity can hide beneath the bed sheets.

Today is here, and in the twinkling of the eye, today is no more. Peace and rest come to those who look for it and who know how to appreciate it once they find it.

It is hard to be alone and lonely, but a negative alternative is far, far worse than going solo.

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